March 20, 2012 ~ Over The River And Through The Woods...

...To Grandmother's house we go!

Billy, Buddy and myself went to dinner at Grandma's today. Billy got to sit in a Big Boy Chair to eat his dinner. He shoved fistfuls of watergate salad into his mouth, spoon at the ready but left unused. He also got cut fruit, carrots, brown bread and steamed shrimp. He nommed on the shrimp but gave up. So, he decided to dip his fruit into the ketchup on his plate instead of the shrimp.

What he really wanted was more watergate and a cookie. When he didn't get what he wanted, he cautiously wandered around Grandma's and played with some of the toys there. This worked for awhile until he realized he was still hungry.

He got more watergate. He got more watergate on the table, the chair, the floor, his shirt, his pants, his arms, Mommy, Grandma... yeah. But he enjoyed it. Then came dessert.

Ooh... cherry pie. I was only going to give him a bite, but he devoured an entire piece by himself and then wanted mine too. Cherry pie might be the way to his heart. Keep that in mind for any girls that might be looking for a boyfriend in about thirty years. Maybe forty. We'll see.

Grandma sure had a huge feast set for us. Thanks Grandma! We came home full and sticky. But, I guess if you're One, you didn't really enjoy your food unless you're a complete mess and sticky from head to toe.

March 16, 2012 ~ Chicken Catchacookie

Imagine you're one. Now imagine that you're presented with dinner. You have a chicken tender, french fries, apple slices, carrots, cheerios (because no meal is complete without cheerios), a graham cracker (because you screamed for cacas) and an oreo cookie. What do you do?

Clearly, the first thing to do is to shove as many fries in your mouth as you think will fit, which turns out to be more than actually do fit. There's the whole nearly choking on fries and then spitting them into the bib pocket. No biggie.

Ooh. Oreos. Okay. The oreo wins. Clearly, what's better than dessert first? Well, almost first? Let's shove the whole thing in our mouth. Hrm. I think it must need something. But what? I know! Chicken! I bet you thought I would say graham cracker. Nope, chicken!

Then, it's time to make a science experiment out of the graham cracker and some water. Uh, oh! Mush. Yuck. Lots of tears until Mommy brings another graham cracker. Yay!

Oops. Out of oreo to mix with chicken. Oh well. Mommy, all done!

February 26, 2012 ~ 3 Parenting Fails and a Parenting Wail

One Sunday, three FAILS.

1. Billy is learning his food words. Every meal he points to each item on his plate and I tell him what it is. Then he repeats the word for me the best that he can. This morning he had Cheerios, apples, bread and milk. He repeated each one. But five minutes later he picked up the soda bread and said (in perfect English with perfect pronunciation) "apple". No, "bread." Then at dinner he had some regular bread. He picked it up, showed it to Daddy and said (in perfect English with perfect pronunciation)"apple!" FAIL.

2. While playing with his toys he picked up his football and shoved it in his mouth. It was really cute until he put it down, walked over to a Buddy ball and shoved that in his mouth. We're still working on separation of toys...apparently, not very well. FAIL.

3. Billy was playing with something he knew he wasn't supposed to pick up because it was too heavy/dangerous/notmadeforbabies. He suddenly dropped it, possibly on his foot, and yelled (in perfect English with perfect pronunciation) "f*ck!" FAIL.

And a parenting wail...

This evening I decided to take a shower to have a fifteen minute break after a long day with my Crankypants (teething again, argh!). I climbed in to the nice steamy water for my relaxing break for the day. Just then, I heard the patter, patter, patter of little feet. Billy came bounding into the bathroom, followed by Daddy, followed by Buddy. Billy started slapping the glass, so I played our tapping game with him (I tap with my hand and leave it there and then he repeats). Then I kindly asked Daddy to make everyone leave so I could have some privacy. A minute later I heard the patter, patter, patter of little feet.

"Honey, he only wants Mommy, so we're going to play in the bathroom."

There I am, just trying to shampoo my hair like any normal woman with a Daddy and a baby and a dog there for company. Then I see Billy waving his binky over the open toilet. Dear God, please don't let him drop his binky in the toilet! But, I was saved by poop! Yes, Billy decided just then to let fly and Daddy had to rush him out for a diaper change. Phew! The binky was saved, I knew I had 5 minutes to myself and Daddy got stuck with a stinkeroo. But, of course, as soon as he had a new diaper, I had an audience again.

And that was my nice, relaxing, 15 minute time to myself. Yup.

February 24, 2012 ~ Drink Your Peas

At dinner Billy had peas and some other things but he didn't want to eat any of it. Nope. Forget it. Instead he started screaming for my glass of water.

"Mommy, meh! Meh!" pointing wildly at the water.

Ok, ok, I gave him the water. But it was immediately obvious that the glass was in serious danger of losing its life. So, I got a plastic mug out of the cabinet and filled it with water. Oh, boy. That mug could have been made of gold.

First he spilled water all down his front. Then he drank from it. But let's not stop there.

All good food and drink must inevitably become a science experiment. Why eat your peas when you can drink them? He started throwing peas into his water and tried to drink it. Then he screamed when I took the cup away and replaced it with pea-free water.

Clearly, he wanted his pea water.

February 19, 2012 ~ Going Strawberry Blonde

Mealtime is always an adventure for a toddler- new tastes, new textures... what's not to love? Well, yesterday for lunch Billy decided it was high time to experiment with his food.

What to do with a PB&J? An adult would probably just eat his sandwich and go away contented with lunch. Not Billy. First, he pulled the sandwich apart to examine the innards. Next, he investigated the properties of peanut butter by getting a big dollop of it on each pointer finger and holding those fingers up in front of his face for a good look. Now, I bet you're expecting him to lick the PB from his fingers and say, "yum, yum!" But where's the fun in that? He looked hard at those fingers covered in peanutty goo and then shoved them in his ears. Ha! Bet you weren't expecting that! What? You didn't hear what I said? Maybe it's because you've got peanut butter in your ears.

Also for lunch he had strawberries. Billy loves strawberries. But in the spirit of science he couldn't just eat the strawberries. No, not Billy. He decided that he wanted to change his hair color by rubbing the strawberries all through his hair. Brings new meaning to "strawberry blonde".

Today was an epic blueberry day. Billy ate two bowls full of blueberries. He also learned how to say blueberry. "BooBah!" Since he learned to say "boobah" it's all he wants to eat. I made him stop after a reasonable number. But, come to find out that Daddy also gave him blueberry yogurt. I came home to find him, the highchair, the floor and his clothes covered in blueberry yogurt.

Note to self: limit blueberry intake. blue bum. That's all I'll say.

So let's review the weekend: a bum stained blue, hair dyed strawberry, and peanut butter in the ears.

February 3, 2012 ~ The Dog Bowl Made Me Do It!

Last night Billy got into trouble for putting the feather duster in the dog water. Daddy has stepped up his punishment for playing in the dog water to encourage him to stop. He got a bum smack and a time out (10 sec).

So this morning when he got up and went into the kitchen to feed Buddy he went straight to the bowls. He looked sternly at the water bowl. "No! no!" he scolded, wagging his finger. Then he looked at the empty food bowl. "No! no!" he continued wagging his finger. He then got to scolding both of them at the same time, finger furiously waving. I had to drag him over to the food container to get Buddy's breakfast going.

Later, every time we walked through the kitchen he would stop briefly to scold the bowls. "No! no!"
Fingers wagging.

This evening when Billy fed Buddy he missed getting all of the food in the bowl, as usual. Except this time many of the pieces went for a swim in the dog water. "Uh, oh!" Billy quickly reached to fetch them out, but I stopped him. Just then Daddy got between me and Billy so he could talk to me. Billy was suddenly out of my view and right by the bowls. I knew immediately what would happen.

"Daddy, please get your son out of the dog water."

"Huh, what?" Sometimes Daddy is oblivious to these little things. But when he turned around there Billy was trying to fish dog food out of the bowl. To be fair, he was trying to be nice to Buddy. But I had asked Billy to leave it alone twice by this point and he knows not to touch the dog water. So Daddy repeated the punishment of the previous night.

After a quick time out and a few minutes of tears while I held him (out of frustration for not getting his way) I took him back into the kitchen for dinner. He went straight over to the bowls and gave them a thorough punishing and finger wagging. Then he looked up at me.

If he had had the vocabulary to say what his eyes were expressing, he would have said, "but Mommy, the dog bowls made me do it!"

February 2, 2012 ~ Billy's First Chore

That's right. Starting yesterday we gave Billy his first chore. He was so excited when we told him. "Billy, go feed the dog his breakfast." That was followed by a blur of toddler wrapped in a hooded pooh towel barreling towards the kitchen screaming, "ah ah ah ah!" (translation: yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!)

He is now required to feed Buddy both breakfast and dinner, with a little help of course. Here's how it has gone both days with both meals:

"Billy, please feed Buddy."

Billy ecstatically opens the dog food container and picks up the scooper (a plastic mug). Then he bangs the mug against the dog food. When the dog food refuses to jump into the mug of its own volition Billy turns to me inquiringly.

"Here, let me help you."

I make him hold the mug while I help scoop dog food up and fill it to the brim.

"Billy, go put it in the bowl, please."

Billy carries the mug towards Buddy's bowl, a mere three feet, and manages to spill at least a third of the contents. This is when Buddy the Vacuum jumps in and scarfs down every morsel dancing across the kitchen floor.

"Uh, oh," Billy says.

"It's ok. Go put the food in the dog bowl, please."

Billy crouches down and shakes the mug over the bowl. Some of the pieces make it into the bowl and about the same amount join their already escaped friends on the floor. Then Billy stands up with the mug still half full and heads back to the container.

"No, honey. Put all of it in the dog bowl, please."

He goes back over to the bowl, crouches, and shakes the mug again. Then he remembers to tip the mug so the contents fall out. Some make it into the bowl, about the same amount unite with the remainder of their freed brethren on the floor. Buddy continues to hunt down each and every piece.

"Billy, help pick up the pieces that fell out, please."

Billy pushes Buddy away from the dog bowl and picks up the pieces one at a time and put them in the bowl. By this time Buddy is doing something akin to the "pee dance" trying to get to his food. Once Billy gets every last piece into the bowl he then feels that the dog food needs to be leveled out and goes about doing so with his hands. Once it is leveled it then requires mixing, so he picks up a handful and then puts it back in and levels again. Rinse. Repeat.

"Ok, that's enough. Please go put the mug back in the container and close the lid."

Billy jumps up, completely forgetting the bowl and runs over to the container, sticks the mug in and closes the lid.

"Can you lock it please?" It has a locking handle to make it air tight.

He locks it, then unlocks it. Then he pops the lid open and goes for the mug again.

"No, no. One meal is enough. Thanks!"

Billy looks disheartened for a split second and then tears off into the den to get a toy.

January 26, 2012 ~ 8 Grapes

The question? How many grapes can Billy shove in his mouth at one time?

The answer? 8 grapes.

I would have taken a picture of this very funny scene with Billy's cheeks stuffed like a chipmunk's, but I was too concerned about choking at the time. Despite the overwhelming amount of food in his mouth, he refused to spit it out. Instead, he struggled to prove that he could eat it all.

This is his new thing. If I give him Cheerios he cries when there aren't enough on his plate. There need to be enough for him to put an entire handful in his mouth. Same with sandwiches, plums, bananas, etc. He will put the entire thing in his mouth and then struggle to chew. It's a game.

So if you were wondering how many grapes can fit in a toddler's mouth without choking... 8 grapes.

January 23, 2012 ~ A Tropical Playground

Tonight after daycare we went out with a friend for dinner to Bahama Breeze. Unfortunately, by the time we got there it was past seven and Billy was tired. He was not in a good mood.

We ordered him a nice meal but all he wanted was fruit. In truth, I don't think he was hungry at all, because it was well past his mealtime and into the range of bedtime. It's hard to go out after work. We're limited by the time we get home and his short amount of time before bed. If we are off by even 15 minutes it can be enough to produce a cranky toddler.

Well, he was not a happy camper. I walked him all over the restaurant. He would not sit still at the table. But the giant palms and the tiki lights and ceiling fans were a big hit. So much more entertaining than letting Mommy eat her dinner.

Of particular favorite was a section of the restaurant not in use today. If you've ever been there it's a huge place. But on a cold Tuesday night there weren't enough patrons to warrant having the side section open. Billy thought this area was a great playground. It was very warm and full of fun decorations. It even has a raised fit pit which he thought was too cool. Best of all, there are many levels that are only two steps up and also have handicap ramps. These make for a great place to run around, especially when there are no patrons to bother. He had the best time playing there.

But when I took him back to the table it was screaming again. So I spent most of the night chasing Billy through the empty rooms of the restaurant and showing him the neat tropical things they have there.

It seemed to work out. Billy fell asleep on the car ride home and no fuss about bed. All I can say is, thank God for the empty sections. I don't know how you're supposed to go out with a grumpy toddler.

January 16, 2012 ~ Doggy Dinner Billy Style

One of Billy's favorite family members it Buddy the Dog. Who wouldn't love the fuzzy and incredibly cute, mild-mannered puppy (of 11 years young)? Best yet, he barks and jumps up and down when Billy picks up one of his toys. Buddy is the best interactive toy a boy could hope for.

Well, Billy has decided he wants to help care for his favorite canine companion.

Now, since Billy could stand up he has helped me with putting Buddy out on the chain when Buddy needs to go out. Billy is responsible for looking out for the WackaWackas and the Zingaroos and to tell me if he sees one. Guess what? In all of the looking out he has done he has never seen one. Phew!

What really happens is Billy stands at the screen door while I go out to fetch the chain on the deck, allowing Billy to always be in my sight. It's a win-win.

Now Billy wants to help feed Buddy. Not just tossing his unwanted dinner from his high chair, but actually feeding Buddy his dog food. Poor Buddy who has to suffer the process of getting dinner from Billy. Here's what happens:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQ45OiYRIGg