February 26, 2012 ~ 3 Parenting Fails and a Parenting Wail

One Sunday, three FAILS.

1. Billy is learning his food words. Every meal he points to each item on his plate and I tell him what it is. Then he repeats the word for me the best that he can. This morning he had Cheerios, apples, bread and milk. He repeated each one. But five minutes later he picked up the soda bread and said (in perfect English with perfect pronunciation) "apple". No, "bread." Then at dinner he had some regular bread. He picked it up, showed it to Daddy and said (in perfect English with perfect pronunciation)"apple!" FAIL.

2. While playing with his toys he picked up his football and shoved it in his mouth. It was really cute until he put it down, walked over to a Buddy ball and shoved that in his mouth. We're still working on separation of toys...apparently, not very well. FAIL.

3. Billy was playing with something he knew he wasn't supposed to pick up because it was too heavy/dangerous/notmadeforbabies. He suddenly dropped it, possibly on his foot, and yelled (in perfect English with perfect pronunciation) "f*ck!" FAIL.

And a parenting wail...

This evening I decided to take a shower to have a fifteen minute break after a long day with my Crankypants (teething again, argh!). I climbed in to the nice steamy water for my relaxing break for the day. Just then, I heard the patter, patter, patter of little feet. Billy came bounding into the bathroom, followed by Daddy, followed by Buddy. Billy started slapping the glass, so I played our tapping game with him (I tap with my hand and leave it there and then he repeats). Then I kindly asked Daddy to make everyone leave so I could have some privacy. A minute later I heard the patter, patter, patter of little feet.

"Honey, he only wants Mommy, so we're going to play in the bathroom."

There I am, just trying to shampoo my hair like any normal woman with a Daddy and a baby and a dog there for company. Then I see Billy waving his binky over the open toilet. Dear God, please don't let him drop his binky in the toilet! But, I was saved by poop! Yes, Billy decided just then to let fly and Daddy had to rush him out for a diaper change. Phew! The binky was saved, I knew I had 5 minutes to myself and Daddy got stuck with a stinkeroo. But, of course, as soon as he had a new diaper, I had an audience again.

And that was my nice, relaxing, 15 minute time to myself. Yup.

February 20, 2012 ~ How To Lose An Intellectual Debate To A One-Year-Old

For lunch today I gave Billy some grapes with his science experiment, *ahem* I mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

He held one up to me and asked, "ball?"

"No honey that's a grape."

"Ball," he said, matter-of-factly and shoved it in his mouth with a smile.

"No. It's a grape. Can you say 'grape'? Grah-ape."

He held up another one. "Bah-all."

"Ok, it looks like a ball. But it's a grape."

He picked up another one and bounced it off of his tray. "Ball!" I don't think I realized that grapes bounce. Apparently, they do.

"Yes, it bounces like a ball, but it's a grape."

He grabbed another one and rolled it across his tray. "Mommy, ball. Buh-all!"

"Yes, it rolls like a ball and is round like a ball and bounces like a ball. But it's a grape."

At this point he had shoved all of them in his mouth (at once) and there were no more on his plate.

"Do you want more grapes?"

"NoNo. Mo(re) ball!"

"Ok, fine. More ball." And that's how he got another bowl of ripe, juicy, red, fruity balls that I like to call 'grapes'.

November 8, 2011 ~ Hungry, Hungry Billy!

Grandpop and I were talking today about Thanksgiving and he mentioned that he wasn't counting Billy in the total number of people eating Thanksgiving dinner, since Billy eats so very little. Really? Let's have a look at what Billy eats in an average day:

Breakfast~
A Mommy-sized handful of cheerios
6oz of fruit or 6oz of yogurt
4oz milk

Breakfast 2 (or elevenses if you're a hobbit)~
6 oz of fruit or yogurt, whichever he didn't have with breakfast 1.
4oz water

Lunch~
Half a sandwich or a 6oz bowl of pasta
6oz of veggies or fruit
4oz milk

Afternoon Snack 1~
6oz of veggies or fruit
4oz water

Afternoon Snack 2~
Mommy-sized handful of crackers or cheerios

Dinner~
10-12oz of food, usually a main course with 1-2 side dishes (usually fruit and veggie)
4oz water or juice

Bedtime~
4oz milk

Remember, he's only 23 pounds and is still a little guy. Think about how much food you eat in a day and try to determine ounce-wise how much that is. He's like a hummingbird, eating his body weight (slight exaggeration) every day. He is 1/5 my weight and eats 1/2 to 3/4 the amount I consume every day. That's a hungry, hungry Billy!

Trust me, Grandpop, he'll be able to hold his own when the turkey is on the table.

Drumstick anyone?