My name is Billy and I'm coming for you.
I see you in the form of leaf litter hitching a ride on Buddy's fur. You think you're going to come in where it's warm. I've got news for you. I can pick you up and throw you in the trashcan all by myself. And I will. If I see you on the floor you're as good as thrown out.
I see you left over pine needles from the tree. You think you can escape me because you are hard to pick up. But I have a Mommy and I know how to tell her that you need to be cleaned up pronto. Even if it means her breaking out the evil vacuum. Gulp.
I found you food crumbs and you can't escape me. If Mommy gives me a damp cloth you better believe I'm going to wipe you up off of my high chair. You'll never see me coming. Wham! My tray will be clean and you'll be all gone.
And you, dirty laundry. Yeah you. I am going to put you in the hamper whether you like it or not. You can't stop me. And if I find and holes in you socks I am going to be very upset. Very upset, you hear me?! I don't want to see you around here anymore.
So, be warned Dirt. I've got your number and I am coming for you.
The Hygiene Enforcer (aka Billy)