Sunday, June 2, 2013

The Sunday Post ~ Tiny Terrors on the Loose

When you first have a baby they tell you "It gets easier." Who are they anyway? Then you hear things like, "Don't you just love this stage?" and "cherish every moment."

And you're sleep deprived so you believe them. I mean, your little munchkin is the cutest thing you've ever seen. They spend most of their time in squished into a tiny ball and sleeping. You coo whenever they yawn, burp or rip a fart so loud you can't believe it came from something so tiny. It can only get better.

Then you're warned about the Terrible Twos.

But nobody warns you about the stage between Squishy Ball and Terrible Two. Yeah, there's a whole other stage in there that no one mentions, because if they did you might go running and screaming from this parenthood thing.

Welcome to the Tiny Terror Stage. Okay, okay they can be tiny terrors at just about any age, but this is the age at which they really excel. 6 months-18 months.

It's hard to believe that your Squishy Ball will one day be mobile. Really mobile. But you baby proof all the same, because some day they will, in fact, start crawling around. And then they will find new and inventive ways to attempt to kill themselves.

I don't care how well you baby proof, unless you wrap everything you own in bubble wrap, your child will find that one way to potentially kill themselves in a more creative way than you could ever imagine. In fact, right now your baby is working on a plan to attempt death with the bubble wrap. Scratch the bubble wrap.

You may think you can outsmart this tiny person. But rest assured, they are smarter than you. You can clean your floors until the cows come home, and still they will find that one clump of dog hair you missed. And shove it in their mouth. Probably in front of company- just for effect.

Your once Squishy Ball is now a fully mobile, non-speaking, non-listening, incredibly bored little one intent on finding something interesting to do. Having Mommy chase him around and avert mass crises every fifteen minutes is a particularly popular pastime. Enter Tiny Terror.

You're not smarter. You're not faster. Oh, yes. They will outsmart you at every turn. You'll blink and they'll be in the other room attempting to shove sticky, wet fingers into a light socket. I'm pretty sure they have super powers at this stage. No one tells you that. 

So when someone says "it gets easier," "don't you just love this stage?" or "cherish every moment" what they're really saying is, "you have no idea what you're in for."

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