Every weekend Daddy and I take turns on who gets to sleep in. This morning was my turn. Since Billy will usually break down the door to get to me, Daddy decided to take him out for breakfast around 9:30. Awesome, I get quiet and I get to sleep in. What more can a girl want?
I got up, made myself some french toast and coffee and ate breakfast out on the porch with my book. It was warm, there was a nice breeze and I was uninterrupted. I was apparently sitting still enough that I got to see a badger wander through the yard (Buddy, you're a terrible guard dog!) and a red-headed woodpecker was only a few feet from me (don't peck on my house, you gorgeous bird!) It was a lovely morning.
But, I really can't sit still all that long. I opened up all of the windows, cranked the stereo and started cleaning the house from top to bottom. It's hard to clean with a Billy around- takes twice as long- but I was cranking through the chores. Even got two loads of laundry done.
By now it was Billy's naptime. "Huh...where are my guys?" I thought. But Daddy isn't good with time and is probably out running an errand or looking at tools in the hardware store and not watching the clock. "No biggie." I clean until I'm tired of cleaning. I still need to vacuum, but if Daddy comes in with a sleepy Billy I don't want the noise to jar him awake (and it's happened before). Besides, it's a great excuse to avoid vacuuming. Again.
So I grab my book and go back out to the porch to read more. By now I'm watching the clock. Still no boys. So I call Daddy. No answer. So, I read more, wait a half hour and call again. No answer.
Ok, so now we're overdue for a nap by an hour and a half. So, I start checking around. The big diaper bag is still here. Both strollers? Still here. The trike aka the Green Piece of Awesome? Still here. That's one awfully long breakfast. So I call again. Still no answer.
A cornucopia of emotions and thoughts run through my head as two hours past naptime approaches. Is Daddy a big dork who doesn't have his phone on him? I might have thought something stronger than "dork", but let's keep it classy. Are they ok? What the hell are they doing? Has my baby had a diaper change or slept? Are they in a ditch? Kidnapped by men wearing blue gloves from the Alliance? Ok, probably not that last part.
We had plans for this afternoon, so there's no way Daddy would want to miss out- those were his plans. Where is he? Where is Billy? Why won't they/can't they/don't they answer? I call again. Still nothing.
So, I do the only thing that a grown woman can think to do when her husband and son went out for breakfast and it's nearing dinner. I called my Mom. Grandma talked me off the ledge and then called up Daddy herself. He answered immediately. Grandma never calls him, so if she's calling he picks up.
After breakfast Daddy took Billy to the camping store where he had some money to spend there (only usable at that store). He saw a hiking harness for a baby, thought it was cool and bought it. Then he decided to try it out. So they went hiking. And he got lost on the trail. In the woods. Out of cell phone range. Grandma called when they had just made it back to the car, which was in cell phone range.
So, as it turns out, Daddy is a big dork. Again, I might have used some stronger vocabulary, but I think I just won't mention that string of niceties here. He was stunned that I was worried.
"I thought I'd give you the day off," he said.
"Without telling me? We had plans. How about a phone call. I was worried. It's late."
"What, did you think I ran off with our kid?"
"No, your iPad is still here."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
And we're back to that big dork. It's a good thing he's cute.
So, we did get to our plans later today. Billy got to try fresh squeezed lemonade. His thoughts? "Yummy!" His exact word. And at dinner he also bit me and drew blood during a tantrum.
All in all, a stellar day. But, hey... at least the hives are finally gone!
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