You know that mom in the grocery store?
You know the one. The one with the screeching child who refuses to behave? The one that everyone stares at and asks themselves, "can't she just control her kid?" The one with the look on her face that says she'd rather be having a triple root canal instead of taming toddler tantrums?
Yeah. That was me today.
Every other week I take Billy to the grocery store. So, it's not like this is a new thing. But his behavior today was brand new. Let's go through my quick trip that ended up taking an hour...
Would he sit in the cart? No. Bellowing at the top of his lungs- yep. Ok, so I carry him. We walk into the store and he starts patting his belly, meaning "I'm hungry." Awe. Some. The grocery store is kind of like "water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink."
Of course, first stop: veggies. He sees tomatoes. "Mommy, apple!" and reaches to get them. Then there's avocados. "Mommy, apple!" and reaches for those. Of course, I'm holding him and he's squirming to get down and get the "apple!" Onions, potatoes, artichokes, peaches and lettuce were also all renamed "apple." He tried to eat the grapes and strawberries when I put them in the cart. And, of course, he wanted the actual apples that I picked up, because he kept saying that he wanted apples. If fruit weren't priced by the pound I probably would have given him one. So then he decided that we needed romaine. Ok, not actually, but it was a good price so I let it stay in the cart. Then he decided that he wanted fresh green beans. He doesn't like green beans. Except today. In the store. Can't have them? Screaming, kicking, wailing on the sticky floor. Oh, yeah. Oh, and the potatoes? He actually tried to eat one raw. Yum!
Then I let him push the cart around to calm him down. He was very upset by the nice lady who had grapes in her cart. She was, apparently, not allowed to buy grapes. At least, according to Billy.
Down, down, down to the dairy aisle. Milk. No problem. Ok, except the twenty-five pound dead weight in my arms. Whatever. On to the yogurt. Can't live without Chobani. It's his must-have. In the words of Billy: uh, oh.
I started adding different flavors to the cart. All of a sudden he grabbed one and clung to it for dear life. "Mine!" I could almost hear him say. He wouldn't let go, but I figured that if it would placate him, who cares if he holds it?
Then it was down the freezer aisle for frozen peas. "Why can't I open the freezer doors?" tantrum. Oh, yeah. On the floor, writhing, wailing. "Gimme, gimme" tantrum right there. So. Friggin. Awesome. Pick up crazy alien monkey baby and haul him off to the mac'n'cheese aisle.
Ooh, the blue box. Oh yeah. He knows that box. "Just behave and I'll make you mac'n'cheese when we get home!" I plead. So, he starts grabbing blue boxes and chucking them into the cart. The more the merrier in his mind, right? He was adding them as fast as I could put them back on the shelves.
And cue the long line at the registers.
I'm back to holding him, which makes unloading the cart and paying a real feat. He still wouldn't let go of the yogurt. Not for his life. That was his. HIS.
So, I somehow get him out of the store, in the car, groceries in the car and the cart to the cart stand. I settle into the driver's seat and breath a sigh of relief. "Phew!" We made it out alive. (Because if the other patrons didn't kill us over the many screaming moments-not all listed here...)
It's then that I hear a weird sucking noise.
Ok. So imagine that you're a toddler. A hungry toddler. And you've been cuddling with a Chobani yogurt for the past half hour. What do you do? Clearly, you sink your teeth into the top of the container, puncturing a hole. And then what? Well, clearly you suck the yogurt out of your new handy, dandy hole in the lid.
And, ok. Have to take that away. OMG. Loss of yogurt brought on a new tirade. I believe I may have heard Billy's entire vocal range in the various screams that propelled us the whole way from the store to home.
So how was your day?