January 31, 2012 ~ Outside Pressure In Mommyhood

If you compare my recent posts with those from back in 2011 you might notice that the posts from the fall were more humorous and light hearted. I suppose you could blame this on the winter blues, but the truth is that when you have external pressures it affects every aspect of your life from blogging to raising a Billy.

A few weeks ago I had a major crisis happen in both my work life and professional life- on the same day and only two hours apart. At work, I wasn't the originator of the crisis but I was the one to discover the problem and am a major participant in the resolution. It's akin to a novice climber with all of the right gear and all of the right knowledge standing at the base of a mountain. I still have to climb the mountain. In my personal life I can't control what's going on and at this point just have to ride out the crisis as best I can. Unfortunately, the subsequent shockwaves from each event have hit on the same days. I'm sorry but I don't feel an open web forum is the appropriate place to discuss what's going on, so I'm not going to provide further detail. I'll only say that I'll pull through somehow.

Having all of these external pressures in both my personal life and work life means no escape and is affecting my parenting and the other aspects of my life. I am at wits end and it shows with Billy. I don't have the patience to tolerate his general whining and toddler tantrums and am short with him. Having him go through another course of major teething while the crises are occurring was a very difficult time.

I don't think I realized how much my stress level was affecting Billy until today. He's a happy baby and loves to laugh. I had him in stitches today over dinner. And he laughed yesterday. But it's been awhile since peals of laughter and happiness have rung through the house. I miss those pleasant noises.

The reason I started this blog was to keep track of and share the silly and absurd things that happen raising a child. I promise to try harder to again capture that sense of the silly and the absurd. Bear with me as I try and pull all of the pieces of my life back together.